Essere un gentiluomo tutti i giorni è possibile
Secondo Sven Raphael Schneider, direttore della Gentleman’s Gazette www.gentlemansgazette.com, la sfida di essere un gentiluomo nella vita di tutti i giorni si può vincere con pochi accorgimenti (… indispensabili). Però … “Vivere questi ideali giorno dopo giorno può diventare piuttosto impegnativo a volte. Quando un uomo è di cattivo umore, stressato o stanco, può dire o fare cose che sono fuori dal personaggio. In quelle situazioni è importante scusarsi con gli altri e se è si è sinceri gli altri accetteranno le scuse”. Vediamo che cosa è capitato a Sven Raphael Schneider:
“Il mio personale, quotidiano e delicato problema si verifica con e-mail, commenti di articoli e commenti di YouTube. Ho iniziato Gentleman’s Gazette perché volevo condividere la mia passione per lo stile classico, per aiutare gli uomini a vestirsi meglio attraverso una migliore informazione. All’inizio ho risposto con entusiasmo ad ogni e-mail, commento o richiesta, personalmente, come farebbe un gentiluomo. Nel tempo, sempre più persone hanno trovato la strada per il nostro sito, e non è più possibile rispondere personalmente ad ogni commento ed email. Certo, a volte sono arrabbiati con noi se non passiamo il tempo con loro come pensano che dovrebbe fare un gentiluomo”.
Ma sentiamo un altro parere poi torniamo alla Gentleman’s Gazette
Continuiamo a pescare notizie dall’interessantissimo servizio di informazione quotidiana ANTEPRIMA dove Giorgio Dell’Arti di primo mattino parla un po’ di tutto in quella che lui stesso definisce “spremuta di giornali”. Oggi Giorgio Dell’Arti riporta un pezzo de “La Stampa” che ripubblichiamo qui sotto.
Ciò che fa di un uomo un gentiluomo secondo il Gentleman’s Journal e anche secondo il Country Life, lettura preferita della regina Elisabetta. Un gentiluomo non lascia mai la ragazza con un sms, evita Twitter, disattiva il telefonino e in nessun caso controlla i messaggi in arrivo quando è a cena con una signora, la quale sarà sempre riaccompagnata a casa qualunque cosa sia successa durante la cena (che il gentiluomo offrirà sempre), niente phon, niente indumenti in lycra, niente tatuaggi, mai i sandali, mai dare consigli non richiesti, accendere il fuoco nel caminetto con un solo fiammifero, cacciare di casa le mosche ma salvare i ragni, stringere la mano con decisione, pronunciare il proprio nome e fissare l’altro o l’altra negli occhi al momento delle presentazioni, massima cortesia con i camerieri, mance al personale, dimestichezza in aeroporto, mai sbagliare il momento dell’applauso ai concerti. Ovvietà: aprire la porta alle dame, mandare fiori dopo un appuntamento, non tentare a tutti i costi di entrare in casa quando si è riaccompagnata la signora e si sta sull’uscio. Voci maligne dicono però che le donne preferiscano uomini un poco più selvaggi [Sta].
These days, the title “gentleman” is no longer relevant as an indication of one’s refinement and character, as it was once assumed to be for men of wealth and title who didn’t have to work for a living.
In our opinion, the term is far more egalitarian, and these days, to say you are a gentleman means you have to earn it. Wealth and power are no longer enough, and in fact, they simply aren’t a relevant part of the modern definition. Money and position can’t buy you class or respect.
The Definition of a Modern Gentleman
The term is far more complicated, and we think it’s important to shed some light on why and how we use it, and why the definition of the modern gentleman matters.
We firmly believe any man can be a gentleman if he wants to be, but it’s not a small undertaking. It’s a journey, something that a man continually strives to be, rather than a destination. A gentleman is:
What does it Mean To Be A Modern Gentleman?
A Gentleman is Imperfect. This may be the most important characteristic on the list. The term “gentleman” isn’t meant to be an unattainable ideal; it takes into account basic human nature, in which we all make mistakes, choices, and judgments every day. The difference lies in that a gentleman does not believe himself to be perfect, but instead takes ownership and responsibility for the things he can control: his actions, knowledge, and approach to the world.
A Gentleman Has High Standards. High standards push people to do the best they can, and gentlemen set them for themselves. A gentleman expects a high standard of quality, value, and functionality from the things he buys to the things he does. He expects as much of himself as he does of other people.
A Gentleman is Well Dressed: This one shouldn’t be a surprise. A well-dressed man is appropriately attired based on the season, the occasion, and his own style. Dressing well isn’t a matter of money for a gentleman, but rather of careful curation of clothing and accessories based on his means, the occasion, and his tastes. His dress demonstrates that he recognizes the power of clothes the impression they make, and the role they play in society. Clothes are used to convey a gentleman’s respect for his host, his office, or for the host of an event, but not to shock, evoke jealousy, or show off. Dressing well is a point of pride for a gentleman because it demonstrates his personality and taste.
A Gentleman Has Good Manners: Here, we agree with the dictionary. A gentleman is courteous, polite, and respectful. He says please and thank you, waits his turn in line, and treats others as they wish to be treated. He is an equitable conversation partner.
A Gentleman is Open Minded: A gentleman does not believe that his opinions and knowledge are complete and unquestionable. He strives to learn, is open to new ideas, accepts constructive criticism, and welcomes failure as a path to growth and self-awareness. A gentleman does not argue purely for the pleasure of being right but focuses on is able to put himself in other people’s shoes for the purposes of understanding an alternate perspective from his own.
A Gentleman is Interesting and Informed: These days it is easy to get lost in the cycle of sleep-work-netflix-repeat that deprives people of anything interesting to say. An interesting man can successfully carry a conversation about a number of subjects, is interested in the world around him and how it works, and actively seeks to grow his knowledge for his own character building and enjoyment. Hobbies and personal interests reveal his passions and his engagement with activities that are meaningful to him.
A Gentleman’s Actions Match His Words. Quite simply, a gentleman makes promises that he intends to keep.
A Gentleman Treats People with Respect: When we say people, we mean everyone – women, colleagues, superiors, waitstaff and customer service people. This reflects a gentleman’s belief that all people are created equal; he does not claim to have more or fewer rights than those around him. He is compassionate with those less fortunate than himself. He doesn’t believe that the world is a zero-sum game, nor does he believe that putting someone else down will lift him up.
A Gentleman Recognizes the Difference Between Arrogance and Confidence. If an arrogant man who believes himself to be of superior importance relies on his opinion of himself relative to others. A gentleman believes in himself and his abilities independently of other people. An arrogant man must always win to feel validated while a gentleman self-validates from within.
A Gentleman Wields Power Purposefully. Though there are many potential sources for the statement “with great power comes great responsibility,” there is an inherent truth in it for a gentleman. If he is in a position of power, he combines all of the above traits to utilize that power purposefully and not selfishly. Not for revenge, not for his own personal gain, and not in a way that tramples the rights of others.
A Gentleman Gives People the Benefit of the Doubt. Even though it can be a challenge to avoid cynicism in a tough world, a gentleman chooses to give people the benefit of the doubt. The person who cut you off on the highway may have received bad news; a friend may not respond to your call because they are behind at work – a gentleman tries not to jump to negative conclusions about other people.
So why does this all matter? It matters because being a gentleman sets a high bar for men, us included, to actively work towards every day. Rather than being a destination, it’s an aspiration that comes from the lifetime pursuit of personal betterment, self-awareness, and motivation.
The highest achievement is to be recognized as a gentleman by those around you, since at it’s core it is an honor conferred only by other people. We use the term gentleman frequently, and we think it should mean something. It’s not just a way to address other men; it’s a statement about who we are and who we want to be.
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